This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
