so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
