I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
