she was so not down for the gang bang
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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