yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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