it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
