nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
