To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
