You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
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