Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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