She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
