Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
