Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
