Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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