now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
