I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
