I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
