I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
How does it feel to date your dad?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
