you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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