I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
