Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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