Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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