we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
