I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
