bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
