Just mADE A PArabola og urine
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
