Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
