The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
