there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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