That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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