All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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