just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
