yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
