I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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