My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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