If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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