I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We have started to decorate penises.
It's blow job season.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
