I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
