Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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