Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
