you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
