hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
