I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
