So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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