I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
