the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just found a bag of teeth...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My life is pants optional.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
