I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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