I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
