apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
