She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
