I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
my being single is dangerous.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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