I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
