I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
