why didn't you poke me back
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
