all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
