you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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