Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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