I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I feel like abortions should bother me more
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
