Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just found puke in my bra..
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
