I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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