hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I wear drunk well.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
