they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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