the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
