ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
