remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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