then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
