Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
