They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
